A Cybersecurity Comedy in Three Acts
Or: How Scammers Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Import Taxes
Scene 1: The Perfect Storm (Brewing in a Very Small Teacup)
Picture this: It’s 2025, and cybercriminals are having their annual strategy meeting in what we can only assume is a poorly ventilated basement somewhere. “Gentlemen,” says the lead scammer, adjusting his knockoff designer glasses, “we’ve tried fake Nigerian princes, bogus lottery winnings, and even pretending to be your car’s extended warranty. But what we haven’t tried is… dramatic pause …tariffs.”
The room falls silent except for the sound of one criminal slowly clapping. “Brilliant!” he exclaims. “Because nothing says ‘urgent financial crisis’ like import duties on garden gnomes!”
Enter Theresa Payton, CEO of Fortalice Solutions, who warned that changing tariff policies create a “perfect storm for cybercriminals.” Apparently, when people don’t understand how something works, scammers see dollar signs. It’s like watching someone discover fire, but instead of warmth and cooked food, they immediately think, “How can I use this to steal people’s Social Security numbers?”
Scene 2: The Three Red Flags (That Are Actually More Like Neon Billboards)
Three warning indicators of tariff tomfoolery have been found by our cybersecurity analysts Consider them as the demonic trio of digital dishonesty:
🚩
First Red Flag: The “ Too Good to Be True” Particularly unique
Emails, messages, social media ads offering “tariff relief,” “vouchers,” “exemptions,” or urgent offers like “pay now to avoid tariffs,” are sprouting like mushrooms after rain. The truth is, though, that respectable stores are not particularly in the business of assisting you in tariff avoidance. That would be as if your accountant phoning to say, “Hey, I discovered a fantastic approach to avoid paying taxes! Just meet me behind the Wendy’s at midnight carrying a briefcase loaded with cash.”
🚩
Second red flag: The government impersonation game.
Fake websites and emails purportedly coming from government bodies are being produced by scammers. Pro tip: You might want to consider twice if you receive an official-sounding email from “customs@definitely-not-fake-government.biz requesting your bank information. Real government emails originate from.gov addresses rather than from domains that sound as though they were registered under someone’s cousin’s acquaintance “knows computers.”
🚩
Third red flag: The transparency void.
Legal retailers will clearly state tariff-related fees and provide authentic contact details. We in the company refer to a “red flag the size of Texas” if a company’s customer support comprises of a cryptic email address and a contact form that merely says “Trust us, we’re totally legit.”
Scene 3: The Plot Thickens (Like Bad Gravy)
Here’s where it gets really interesting. The PreCrime Labs team at BforeAI discovered about 300 domain registrations from cybercriminals related to tariffs in the first few months of the year. Three hundred! That’s more dedication than most people show to their New Year’s resolutions.
Meanwhile, Facebook and Instagram ads have been promising $750 “tariff relief” vouchers — because apparently scammers have decided that $750 is the perfect amount. Not too high to be obviously fake, not too low to be boring. It’s the Goldilocks of scam amounts.
The Moral of Our Story
As James Lee from the Identity Theft Resource Center wisely noted, scammers “will use the fact that people don’t know a lot about tariffs.” It’s like they’re playing a really twisted game of educational Jeopardy, where the answer is always “What is identity theft?”
So remember, dear readers: if someone contacts you promising relief from tariffs, they’re probably not your fairy godmother of international trade policy. They’re more likely sitting in that basement we mentioned earlier, eating stale pizza and dreaming of your personal information.
The golden rule remains beautifully simple: “Assume everything is a scam. If you follow an online link and they ask for money, personal information or your login information, it’s a scam.”
Because in the grand theater of cybersecurity, it’s always better to be the skeptical audience member than the unwitting performer in someone else’s con game.
End scene. Exeunt scammers, hopefully to find more legitimate employment.
About the Author: When not crafting cybersecurity comedy, I help organizations navigate the serious business of governance, risk, and compliance at FutureQuest Tech. Because while tariff scams might be absurd, the need for robust cybersecurity strategies is anything but. Let’s talk about keeping your organization’s digital doors locked tight — minus the drama and basement meetings.
